One of the fallacies people have about building self-esteem is that it can be achieved solely by concentrating on the outside influencers. Most of the times, you will hear people say “Dress smart,” “have a better posture,” or “go for a walk” to boost your self-esteem. Although these practices may influence your self-esteem positively, they cannot be long-term solutions for your self-confidence.
You can use a safety pin to hide a moth hole in your favorite woolen sweater temporarily, but you will need to sew it up with a threaded needle to fix it.
The same logic applies when building self-esteem; outside influencers can help you hold your esteem together, but they cannot be a foundation for life; you need something deeper, something real.
Before we narrow down on how you can boost and build your self-esteem, let’s look at what is self-esteem and what causes it to deepen;
What Is Self-Esteem?
Some say it is the inner voice that motivates you to go on; others say it is about how we perceive ourselves, while others say that it is the beliefs we have towards who and what we can achieve.
According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-esteem is confidence and satisfaction in oneself. In other words, boosting your self-esteem starts with treating yourself as a valuable person and believing in yourself.
What Causes Low Self-Esteem?
Before discussing the process of boosting your self-esteem, you need to learn why your self-esteem deepens in the first place. There are many things can have a negative impact on your self-esteem;
– Failure to reach your targets
– Break up
There are many causes of low self-esteem, and different people have different tolerance level to various factors.
However, whether you know what exactly causes your self-esteem to deepen or not, these five steps will help you rebuild your confidence and boost your self-esteem to where it should be;
Steps to Building Your Self-Esteem
Make a Choice to Believe In Your Abilities
Indeed it is true that believing in your abilities is a choice; it is an attitude you nurture and develop over time. Although mostly this is nurtured when one is still young, many people do not get this opportunity because of the harsh environment they grew up. Maybe you did not have supportive parents, or you were raised in a culture with much negative conditioning and limiting beliefs.
However, to make it in life, you have to remember and accept that the past will always remain the past and you cannot change it; it will not pay off to live with regrets or blaming those who raised you for your current low self-esteem. It is your responsibility to turn that belief around and work on your confidence.
You must choose to believe that you can achieve your targets because the reality is; you can if just believe in yourself.
Set Realistic Expectations
Failure to achieve your targets and goals is one of the leading killers of self-esteem. For instance, when we were in college, we used to set expectations of the minimum salary we could work for. Needless to say, graduation came, and we were now in the job market hunting for that dream job. However, to be real, the whole scenario was different.
However, to be real, the whole scenario was different. I, particularly was so frustrated because even finding an internship was a big issue. For most of us, our expectations were unrealistic.
The situation affected my self-esteem because getting the job with the desired salary I had in mind was almost a pipe dream at that time. I had to recollect and psyche up.
The bottom line here is, you need to set realistic expectations to avoid hurting your self-esteem.
When you set optimistic goals, you will get motivated when you achieve them, and this will help boost your self-esteem.
Ignore What Others Say and Think of You
If we relied on the belief of others to achieve our success, most of us would never accomplish anything substantial. Very few people believe in your abilities, and that is why you need to base your decision on focusing on your goals and desires; not the opinions, judgment, and goals of your friends, spouse, co-workers, kids, or even parents.
Stop worrying about what others will say or think of you; just follow your heart. In fact, it is just a misconception that we have; most of the times, nobody is thinking or judging you. Moreover, even if they are thinking about you, they are worried about what you are thinking about them.
Focus on your goals, your life, and your desires, and you will be confident in everything that you do because you will not be worrying about what people would say.
Quit Perfectionism and Embrace Accomplishments As Well As Mistakes
For most of us, perfectionism is unattainable. You are never going to achieve perfectionism; you are never going to have a perfect life, perfect body, perfect relationship, perfect home, or perfect children. The media typically create the idea of perfectionism, but that is simply an artificial creation of how the society should be; it does not exist.
Instead, you need to embrace your accomplishment once you achieve them. Acknowledge yourself and don’t devalue even the smallest accomplishment.
The little compliments you give yourself will subconsciously boost your self-esteem. You can jot down the accomplishment you have had during the week or month.
If you make mistakes, don’t rebuke yourself. Take them as lessons. Mistakes do not mean that you have encountered a setback; they just show that you are human. Mistakes should serve as an opportunity for learning and growth.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Previously said, and I shall say it over and over again until it sticks in your head. Everyone is gifted in different ways, and we cannot be similar. However, you will find people making an unfair comparison of themselves to others.
For instance, Stacy’s picture got 1000 likes on Instagram while mine only got 50 likes; maybe it is because I am ugly. Luke has a luxury car and bigger house than mine. Such comparison can negatively affect your self-esteem.
I know it is sometimes inevitable to envy others, but you need to try as much as possible to stop comparing yourself to others; the only competitor you should have is yourself.
We only see the superficial life of people; maybe Stella got over 10,000 likes because of posing nude, perhaps George has a nice car and house than you because his parents are wealthier than yours. You need to stop comparing your life to that of others if you want to regain your self-esteem.
Most of these things are easier said than done. Boosting your self-esteem takes time and patience, make an effort to be more realistic and fair to yourself. Remember that there’s no quick fix or magic potion for building self-esteem. So, try your best not to push yourself too hard.
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